Goldberg's Enquiry
by Ramona O'bard
Summary: One day Goldberg wonders. Why aren't there any fanfictions about him? Oneshot thingy. I made some references to Fanfiction for the Ducks and They're What?


**Just a random thing I thought of. I didn't know how to end it though. I was just thinking that Goldberg never got much of a part on fanfics.**

**Goldberg's Enquiry**

One day in a dorm at Eden Hall Greg Goldberg put down the book he was reading to ask a question.

"Hey guys, can I ask you something?"

Goldberg's room-mates were two Ducks who were insane enough to tolerate Goldberg's snoring, farting, and amongst all that, pure friendship. Luis didn't wake up from the homework he was sleeping on so Ken Wu spoke up. "Sure thing, Goldie."

"D'you know how we witnessed the opening fortune of Banks?"

"Banksie? What do you mean?"

"Well, you know how he and Catlady hooked up a few weeks ago, right?" At the mention of Julie Luis woke up immediately.

"Yeah? What about it?!" Luis demanded, maths homework completely forgotten.

"I thought you were doing your homework?" asked Kenny.

"I _was,_" corrected Luis."Well, technically I was sleeping my homework. But what about Julie?"

"I see you're interested," sniggered Goldberg.

"Shut up, there's nothing to laugh about. Just continue, my friend."

"Well, Banks said that they got together after he showed her a fanfiction story he wrote about them two being in love and all that. He told us how loads of fanfiction stuff was happening in real life."

"Like what?" asked Kenny.

"Well, things... like... I dunno... Fulton and Dean being in love or something."

**_"WHAT?!"_** both of the other two of the room ejaculated.

"I dunno. I think ... well, after the two of them read a story about the two of them being in love they began acting really really manly - well, Julie said they were hiding something." Goldberg explained.

Luis finally spoke up. "Oh yeah, and Connie and Guy started arguing, like in the fanfiction."

"How do you know?" Ken asked sharply.

"Well, I read some." Luis was sheepish.

"YOU _READ?_"

"Aw geez."

"Can we get back to what I was saying?" demanded Goldberg.

Kenny and Luis nodded.

"_Well_, since fanfiction was starting to affect peoples' lives I decided to go and read some."

"YOU _READ?_"

"Oh, don't start that again!"

"Oh yes indeed. I read some. I find the entire site a tragedy, to be quite frank."

"Why?"

"_There are no stories about me!!!_" cried Goldberg.

Both Luis and Kenny cracked up laughing. "Haha! Who would've thought!"

"I'm telling you guys, it's not funny! You should see the place. It's full of stories about romance! It's 95 percent romance and 5 percent hockey related! There are an unbelievable number about Charlie, Banks and even some about the Bash Brothers! But none about _me!! There's even a few about Averman!_"

Goldberg was panicking by then.

"_AVERMAN_! I'm telling you, something's wrong with the world! And the girls- you wouldn't believe how many there were about Connie and Julie! ESPECIALLY Julie!!! She's like... the "TEAM FANFICTION WHORE!" Geez!"

Luis spoke up. "Wait a minute. Who does she get paired up with?"

Goldberg gave him one stare of mutiny before hollering an answer. "EVERYBODY! WELL, ALMOST EVERYBODY! SHE GETS PAIRED UP WITH BANKS! BANKS SO MUCH! AND PORTMAN! HE DOESN'T EVEN SUIT HER! Well, I find it pretty weird. I mean, the Catlady? Going out with the Bash Brother?"

"Who else?" Ken urged on.

"Well... Russ only once. Oh yeah.." he said, as if forgotten, "Luis."

Luis' eyes expanded to the size of truck tyres as his mouth opened. "Really??" He was too eager.

Ken let him down slowly. "Sorry man, but with Banks with her, you haven't got a chance." he turned to Goldberg. "Come to mention it; am I in any of them?"

Goldberg shook his head. "Not much. You just hover, and give advice. Dwanye gets to say all his Cowboy lines and Fulton and Portman tend to get all the cheerleader chicks, that is to say, if they aren't going with each other."

All three boys grinned.

Goldberg continued. "Russ and Averman get their usual stuff. Talkin' trash and telling jokes. Charlie gets all the responsible and angsty stuff, occasionally being paired up with Connie. Connie... is usually with Guy and they make out - a lot."

Before Luis opened his mouth to ask about himself Goldberg told him, "And Luis... is just a sleaze."

A single word came out of Luis' mouth. "What?"

"Yep. You're the sleaze."

"I _am not!_" protested Luis.

But Kenny and Goldberg nodded and stroked their chins thoughtfully. "Yeah.. you are."

Goldberg spoke. "Look man, just think of it this way. I'd rather be a sleaze than not be mentioned on the fanfiction at all. I mean, it's like Catlady's the only goalie you guys have ever had! Jeez, what am I? Chopped liver?"

The others shook their heads. "Ah, our sympathies you have, my friend."

"You should've never started to read fanfiction in the first place."

They all new how bad it must have been for Goldberg to be left behind out of the team.

"Just feel better that you didn't get paired up with someone you didn't like. Or something really weird like..?"

"Like... ... like Averman!" Kenny filled in.

The door of their room burst open and out ran Goldberg looking terrified.

"_WHAT?!_"

Goldberg, eyes bulging, was gulping for air and hyperventilating.

Luis whispered, "What made you say that, Ken?"

"Well, we had to make him feel better about being left out." Ken shrugged.

The two watched at the doorframe Goldberg make a scene while, still gulping, stammering loudly. "Y-y-y-y-you said A-a-averman!? What??? Who on earth..!?"

"Goldberg, my man, be thankful you're missing out on ... _some things_."

Kenny and Luis both laughed as Goldberg sank to the floor against the hallway wall.

"_Thankyou_ fellas, for making my day."

THE END.

hockeypuck. :)


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